Introduction

Hey y’all!
Thanks for taking the time to check out my blog.

I am just an ordinary girl trying to do what I can to make it through this life in one piece. After experiencing a deeply traumatic and life changing loss. I was encouraged by a close family friend and confident to start this blog. She thought It could help be an outlet for me and help in navigating this season of life I am in right now. At first this seemed pretty laughable. I truly don’t feel like I am very eloquent with my words, nor do I feel like I have much to offer anyone, I don’t have this life thing figured out, and I don’t know what I am doing 110% of the time. But if I can help just one person navigate through their grief and still come out on the other side some what whole (even if that one person is me) Than I guess it’s worth a shot. 
I am pretty much just me. I have struggles and I have flaws. I am not a perfect Mom and if I’m not a perfect mom I’m even farther from being a perfect wife. If I’m being honest,  I am just trying to make it out of bed in the morning and back into bed at night. Right now in this moment my life is all about SURVIVING. Surviving deep loss. Surviving traumatic images. Surviving PTSD. Surviving my toddler. Really just Surviving each day. 
I have been through some traumatic things in my short 24 years of life, some more traumatic than others. But they all still left their own scar on my life. I’ve had childhood trauma, I’ve lost a sibling to suicide and I’m been diagnosed with PTSD. I have a diagnosis of PCOS and suffer from infertility because of it. We all have our own “ baggage” and weight we carry around. This is just a glimpse into mine.


So if any of that sounds like you. If you feel like maybe you can relate in anyway. Great! I’m glad I’m not the only one. But please don’t think I have all the answers to life’s problems. Because I promise you I don’t. I m just like you and I’m sure if we sat down and had some coffee you would see that. 
A little background on me: 
first and fore most I love COFFEE. Seriously it’s a problem. But you want me to come somewhere, you better include coffee or chances are I wont be there. Sorry not sorry. 
I come from a family of 7 kids. I have 4 biological brothers and sisters and 2 adopted siblings. However, I don’t see my adopted siblings as being any different from my biological. They are apart of our family in every way. I was born and raised, till about a week shy of my 12th birthday, in good ole NorthEast Ohio. ( Can you say snow belt!!) My family moved to Central FL in December of 2006 when my Father took a new job. 
I am married to the most caring, patient, strong, selfless, hardworking, and supportive husband. We grew up together when I lived in ohio ( his family actually packed our moving van— I see what you did there God) We kept in contact on and off after I moved and what could have destroyed our friendship just seemed to strengthen it. We have been together for roughly 8 years, and will be married for 3 years in April. We have a beautiful Baby boy Corbin Michael. He is by far life’s greatest blessing. After being told I had a less than 10% chance of being able to have kids. I don’t take one day for granted when it comes to my little man. ( that does NOT mean I don’t get frustrated, angry, overwhelmed, and burnt out— Seriously I’m just like you and this Mom thing is HARD!!)
When Corbin was around 7 months old  our little family moved back up to Northeast Ohio….yay.. (can you sense my sarcasm?) Moving has truly been an adjustment. One I haven’t quite gotten use to yet—- seriously still trying to convince my husband to pack everything up and move our little family back down to Florida ( that’s totally reasonable isn’t it?) We’ve been back in ohio for a little over 1 year and I still hate everyday of it. Ok maybe not everyday… but seriously most days. 
That pretty much sums me up. If you made it this far, and aren’t my Mother, Congrats! 
I cant say I know what direction this blog is going, or what it will contain. It probably wont be your typical blog. Truthfully this is me being super vulnerable and way outside my comfort zone. But I’m here, Im writing, and I’m just going to be me. I saw a quote that I think really sums up what I’m trying to do with this blog “ I want to be one of the people God Can use to help others move forward in their grief”

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

October 27th, 2018. The day that changed everything.

Grief. For a 5 letter word is can wreck havoc and destroy lives in a way one can’t really explain. And that’s the thing, you can’t explain it. You could be experiencing the same pain and loss as the person closest to you and yet you could still be— and most likely are—- in complete opposite places.  But then again, what do I know. I am right smack dab in the “eye” of grief at this very second.   “Forever 22”  On October 27 th , 2018 my life was completely changed forever.  The person I was before that day is no longer there. I was changed in so many ways that I still don’t know all the ways I was changed or even know who this new person I am being forced into becoming is.  The thing was it seemed like a semi normal day. Nothing to out of the ordinary, I had one of my  younger brother’s (Jordan) visiting from Florida. My family, and I took him to a local orchard, We got apples, donuts, and frozen cider slushees. Normal. We went out to lunch and ate a mundane, typical lunch. L
Read more

1 Year...

A year ago my life changed forever. I’m not that same person anymore. I miss that person I was before “it” happened. I miss the person who could lay down and actually sleep at night, who could have a good memory that wasn’t clouded by a deep sadness and sense of loss. When you lose someone traumatically, or unexpected or “ too soon” there are lots of things that change. The person you once were is no longer there. You have to find the “ new you” this new person is foreign and so unfamiliar. You will both love her and hate her. You will hate the heaviness, grief, guilt, and unbearable sadness that come with her. You will hate her for this new cloud that follows this “new you” around. Everywhere. Literally everywhere. In the good times the most. The seemly small moments that you start to feel a sense of joy in... then BAM. This new you shows through and thinks “ Wow my lost loved one would love this”. From there it’s just a spiral of emotions all over again. You will also love her at t
Read more

“The Button”

I remember reading a story a few months after my brother past. I believe it was written by a mother who lost her son. In the story that she wrote, she talked about how she wished she could have a button, you know like one of those that parents wear with their kids sports picture in it, she wished she could have one that said “ My son just died”. In this last year I have on many occasions wish I could have a button that said “My brother died”. I wish I could have that button so I don’t  have to explain to friends why all the sudden my mood had changed. Why I had gone from just enjoying a happy moment to being sad or withdrawn. I wish I could say “I was happy, I was enjoying that moment but then grief came in and said: you know your brother would love this” the thing is I don’t want to explain it, but I wanted an explanation. At times I’d also like to have a button that says “ my brother died” because I’d like to just scream it sometimes. I want and need people to remember that “ hey t
Read more